I was in Berlin for a few days at the end of the summer, visiting my son and his girlfriend who live there. We came back through Copenhagen, where we stayed for another five days.
It was a terrific trip all around, I may be moving! JK!… The only travel snag happened as we arrived at passport control at the Copenhagen airport on our way home. There were just two agents stamping passports and literally hundreds of people trying to pass through.
Not sure why, but there was no real queue. There wasn’t even what you might consider a line — just a massive bolus of people trying to get to one of these two stations.
Normally, this would have been a problem for me; I am the queen of the last minute airport arrival. On this day, though, I was early. Plus, having just come from eight days of vacation, I was feeling very calm.
So, as I waited, I watched the behavior of my fellow passengers. It was quite a remarkable display of the many ways people respond to stress and chaos: from obnoxious bullies to the incredibly kind, and everything in between.
Complaining, whining, yelling, crying (mostly kids — but not all ?). Entitled folks jostling and edging in every chance they got, who seemed to think nothing of pushing right to the front. And spouses arguing throughout about whose fault it all was.
And then there were others making the best of it. Laughing, chatting, making new friends, helping parents and others who needed it. Just doing their best to be helpful.
As I stood there for over 45 minutes, it occurred to me that I was watching a cartoonish representation of the range of responses we see during challenging times in the workplace.
The stress is on everyone, yet we each respond in our own unique way.
Stress Affects Different People Differently
I had lunch last week with a senior exec of a sizable biotech company. She told me about an earnings call that went badly and the stock took a hit. Instead of the person responsible for the mistake owning it, her group was blamed, even though she was not involved.
That’s just one example. Stress can bring out uncharacteristically poor behavior in all of us.
We deflect blame, form alliances, withhold information, and watch out for ourselves at the expense of others. It can become harder and harder to trust what is said or make sense of what’s really happening.
All of this is unhealthy for both the individual and the company. And the worse it gets, the worse it gets.
Given the current conditions, you don’t need to look far for stressed people. Here are some suggestions for how to handle it when it comes your way…
#1. Help Your Fellow “Passengers”
These days, company CEOs may be the most stressed of all. Under those circumstances, they may or may not be equipped to act as a calming or reassuring influence. But you don’t have to be in charge to shape the dynamic.
At the airport, I saw people move aside to let others by, for no other reason than to contribute something positive.
You have the same opportunity. Every visible act of kindness and compassion serves to calm others down and set an example for the rest of us.
Simple things like bringing food to the office, offering to pick up a coffee for someone, or just checking in with a coworker who appears overwhelmed, go a long way. It’s precisely because things are so difficult that small actions have an outsized impact.
#2. Start Early
Fear is contagious — it spreads easily and escalates quickly. The more people see others acting badly, the sooner they conclude there are no other options but to do the same. There is a tipping point of normalcy; once bad behavior becomes institutionalized within the culture, it’s very hard to rein back in.
So don’t wait — now is the time to demonstrate your commitment to the team and the cause, and your willingness to support others.
For those who look to you for answers, that also means openly discussing challenges and possible worst case scenarios. Be as candid as you can. As bad as things may feel, nobody is dying here.
#3. Play the Long Game
It’s easy to get caught up in your own story and fears. But this too will pass.
Remember why you came here in the first place: to help solve huge problems of cancer, rare diseases, and chronic illness, and help people who have lives of much lower quality than most of us.
Take care of yourself too. Healthy eating, regular exercise, time away from the work… these all help build the mental cushion needed to manage in difficult times.
Lastly, know that your colleagues have memories. How you choose to behave now — good or bad — is going to affect how you are seen and how much you are believed for a long, long time.
Who Do You Want to Be?
These are not normal times. And while much of what is happening is out of our control, we can each take responsibility for how we behave.
Do you want to be the one who pushes their way past a five-year-old in a crowded airport? Or the person who reaches back in line to lend a hand?
What lasts will be the memory of who stayed calm, who kept perspective, and who made things a little easier for the people around them. Those are the colleagues others trust, respect, and want by their side, long after the difficult moments have passed.
