I just returned from my annual week in the Outer Banks (the string of islands off the coast of North Carolina).

My extended family has been gathering there for more than two decades — my mom, my five siblings, their children, their children’s children, and many significant others. We even include the cousins of my ex-husband (we enjoy them so much, they have been grandfathered in).

This year, there were 30 of us, ranging in age from 19 months to 86 years — all together, in one ginormous house. It is my favorite week of the year.

Almost without exception, when I tell people this, they are shocked. One house? For a week?! Isn’t that a nightmare of conflicting wants, needs, schedules, habits, behaviors, and bedtimes? People cannot imagine how that can work.

Amazingly, there has never been so much as a disagreement. Everyone has a wonderful time and all consider it their favorite week of the year as well. Even those “married in” or non-family regularly remark on how comfortable they feel.

I’ve been thinking about why this is and if there is anything to learn that tracks with our corporate world. It’s not an exact match (working with family is a whole other ballgame!), but enough of it does that I think it’s worth considering…

Total Acceptance

With 30 people, there is bound to be a huge amount of variation — on just about everything.

Our personalities are all extremely different, but there is no judgment and we are very accepting of these differences. The acceptance helps build a fundamental trust in one another — a trust that keeps judgment at bay and allows people to show up as they are.

We don’t require people to do anything they don’t want to do. Clean up after yourself and treat each other well; that’s about it. You can park yourself at the beach all day, sleep as late as you like, read a book, watch a movie, go for a drive… nobody objects or cares.

The only obligation of the entire week is cooking dinner for the group when it is your night. Even with that, we are happy with whatever we get and sometimes the results and timing are hilarious. Dinner might not be served until 10:30, or things didn’t turn out exactly as planned… That’s fine. There’s plenty of food in the fridge, so if you don’t want to wait or want to eat something else, feel free!

There are few rules, none of them unwritten.

No Fear

One unintended but clear outcome of our “live and let live” approach is that no one is afraid of making a mistake. That creates good feelings, and leaves nobody wondering if they are not doing something right, not doing enough, doing something they shouldn’t, or being excluded from the “in group.” (There is no in group.)

In companies, “safety” and “belonging” are two factors rated consistently as top predictors of a high-functioning organizational culture that attracts top performers. If, instead, people live with a constant concern of doing or saying the wrong thing — “this is how we operate here” — employees feel overly constrained and are unable to use their unique strengths as productively as possible.

I can’t imagine our vacation if we were worried about stepping on anyone’s toes, how we dressed or acted, the quality of our turn at dinner, who brought more or less of the wine or food, etc., etc. Instead, we share the same goal, assume the best of everyone, and are open, inclusive, supportive, and caring.

Are we all perfect? Haha… um… that’s a no! But everything gets done that needs to get done.

A Sharing Culture

Thirty people means a lot of bedrooms. When you get there, you pick one. Nobody complains.

Everyone arrives with beach chairs, umbrellas, games, and more. There’s a big pile outside the door; take what you want; there’s no mine or yours.

If you see a problem, you fix it, whether that’s dishes in the sink that need cleaning or a shortage of bread in the fridge that requires a run to the grocery store.

That generosity of spirit, one in which we help and care for each other, is contagious.

Companies need that too. It results in people who stay longer, work harder, and feel they are there for a reason beyond the size of their paycheck.

What Makes It Work

I don’t think the lesson here is that organizations should operate like a 30-person family vacation.

But I do think the things that make our annual week work so well — acceptance, trust, flexibility, joy, and a willingness to pitch in — are the same things that make people want to be part of any group.

One thing’s for sure… you can’t manufacture these qualities with policies, mission statements, or team-building exercises. They develop when people are given the freedom to be themselves, encouraged to do the right thing, and are part of a culture in which they are expected to care about those around them.