I began my professional career in the 80s. It was a time when people genuinely believed the workplace was evolving for the better.
I started in sales, selling large-ticket capital equipment. It was very much a male-dominated space and I was the only woman on the team.
Not that that scared me. I grew up with three brothers in a neighborhood full of boys. My sister and I did everything they did… until we weren’t allowed to play baseball, which started my frustration with the status quo.
Still, my work environment back then was anything but “female friendly.” I sat through many sales meetings where my fellow sales managers smoked cigars and openly discussed who had the “hottest” assistant. Then they’d head off to the nearest strip club.
I was always invited (I declined). But even when I pushed back and gave them a hard time, nothing changed. They simply didn’t see the problem.
Frankly, I never understood why valuing women equally was even up for debate. But at the time, all of that was “normal” behavior.
Let’s Be Honest About Progress
Fast forward 40 years and yes, much of that is gone. I haven’t seen a lit cigar in a conference room in decades, and conversations about “hotness” have largely disappeared or at least moved out of the mainstream.
That’s clearly progress and many of the men I have the privilege of working with today are true allies, something I’m hugely grateful for and which barely existed when I started.
So, most days, even with the assault on DEI, the revocation of Roe v. Wade, and the current “president’s” misogyny, I have somehow managed to keep myself on the side of optimism. After all, when you zoom out over the course of history, the amount of progress we’ve had this century is remarkable.
But the Epstein “unearthing” has chipped away at my optimism. I guess because of how global, systemic, and pervasive it is proving to be.
To see powerful men, men we’ve elevated, trusted, and in some cases admired, speak about and act towards women in these appalling ways is beyond stunning and disappointing. It’s an in-your-face reminder that the underlying attitudes haven’t disappeared – they’ve just been better concealed.
And this isn’t just about the men who were directly involved. Many others knew; maybe not everything, but enough. Yet they still didn’t act.
Fairness Shouldn’t Be Optional
A throughline in my career and in my life has been a strong sense of fairness and justice. When I would get upset about this in my youth, my stepfather would say, “Who says life is supposed to be fair?” or, “He who has the gold, makes the rules.” This did not help me, though he was, of course, right on both.
For better or worse, it still makes me crazy, and I feel the need to push against it. The numbers regarding women in leadership roles remain strikingly unequal — there’s no denying a bias exists (whether conscious or not) at the highest levels of institutions and governments across the globe.
It’s the system and it’s us. Many women are still waiting to feel “ready,” with all the boxes checked, before they go for more senior roles. We must get over this and remember that if we don’t take those seats, someone else will — and more often than not, it will be a man (likely with even fewer boxes checked!).
So I view the Epstein files as a gift (on my good days!), helping to fuel my resolve to do every bit I can to dilute the embedded mindsets. Because the fact is, nothing changes until we get into leadership roles. A seat at the table isn’t just an opportunity; it’s a responsibility to generations that come behind us.
So, we need to play the game to get where we want to go. For now, that often means holding our noses and hoping we don’t sell our souls in the process.
I’m Still Optimistic (If Not Impatient)
I was listening to the historian Heather Cox-Richardson the other day (truly don’t know how she does it!) and was very inspired by something she said:
“We don’t know the future. We only know that we can change it.”
So I remain hopeful. Hopeful that the next generation will lock arms and move past these old patterns once and for all.
